Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
