Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
