I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
