whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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