told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
