Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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