Don't make out with my wife yet
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
