the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't notice because vodka
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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