Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Bring me that man meat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
