We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
