I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
