if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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