worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
