I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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