i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
