She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
