u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
