hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
