do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
