he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
