Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
