I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
