My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
