You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
