I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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