I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
