I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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