this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
