apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
