Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
