oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
