And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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