Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i now understand why vodka
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
