You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
