All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
