woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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