Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could make wine with my vomit
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize