My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
