i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
