I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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