you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
