Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
