Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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