so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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