Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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