I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
