dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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