My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
