We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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