I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
