I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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