Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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