there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
