I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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