if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
