he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
