He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
