Buhtt sex?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
