Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
