i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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