the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
