One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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