anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
