Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
