This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
