I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drake has all the answers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
