Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
