He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
