The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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