guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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