Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i out mim tonsoeep
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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