I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
