Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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