I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
