My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
