Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
false alarm, still single
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
