i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
