Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
