I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
a search helicopter?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
