I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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