True but thats because hes a fetus.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize