You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
