Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize