HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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