Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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