I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
