They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
