How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
