oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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