Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
