I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
