Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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