I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
