do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
