HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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