Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
