Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
