We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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