Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
