ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
