Sry I called you an 8
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize