O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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