What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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