And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
